I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
