You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
