You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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