Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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