I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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