this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
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