just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
