It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
