The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
