Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
