I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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