Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
