don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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