they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Randomize
