ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
