Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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