just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize