I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
