i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Randomize
