Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
