Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
