At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
