He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
