if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
