Why does Corona taste like a burp?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
