She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
