I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
