You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
