is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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