Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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