His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
