i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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