At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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