saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
