My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Houston, we have a blender
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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