my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
