Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
