hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
