He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
