there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
