Say something about gay babies.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
