Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
