I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
worst night to have a conscience
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
