Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
