Who did Billy Mays play for?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
