ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
