I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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