Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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