i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
