Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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