I've blown a few things in my day
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Randomize
