Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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