Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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