he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
