apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
