you would pick up someone in the library
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
