just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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