when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
