He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
