I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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