I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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