maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
