speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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