Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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