i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize