I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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