Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
