So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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