she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
