Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
