I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
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