Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
