I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I have grass duct taped all over my body
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
